Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
There is something...
... really special when, after a hard experience the day before, and despite your best efforts to make him smile all day, your newly toothless 5 year old, smiles broadly and says to you "Mmmmmm, thugar that tathstes like sthwabewwy!!"
Friday, March 11, 2011
The problem with preemies..
.. is that they are fragile. They are fragile while they are trying to survive in the NICU but, and this is something many parents ignore at the time, is they remain fragile even when they leave the NICU behind, possibly for several years. In fact, even if they do survive their time in the NICU, their morbidity rate is very high for the first years of their lives...
While pregnant with the boys all I cared about was delivering them alive... I was schooled that way, I was led to believe that it was "just" a difficult high risk pregnancy and that since I wouldn't be pregnant forever, if we could "just" get to a certain gestational age, things would be fine and we would live happily ever after.
At five years 4 months of age, my preemie is now a "former" preemie, an IUGR survivor and even though for the most part we live happily, it is not an easy road.
Today he is having two teeth pulled due to something related to his prematurity... enamel dysplasia. Five years after he was born, his preemie status is still giving him trouble. He does not like it, is not looking forward to it, and my heart bleeds for him. He is already different looking with his IUGR related undervelopment, his preemie related bad eyesight and glasses and his brain damage related CP gait.. now he will be the only kid in his class with two front teeth (upper) missing :(
Oh how wonderful... it's not the teeth per se, although since we are looking to at least anothe year before his new ones grow in, it's the issues this will cause. Kids are not supposed to be without teeth for too long and he will be :( I don't know how this will affect his speech, he is already in speech therapy ... or his eating, which is already a huge daily struggle...
Wish us luck please... Even grown preemies are different in a way a parent of a full term baby can't understand :( I do not wish preemiehood to anyone.
While pregnant with the boys all I cared about was delivering them alive... I was schooled that way, I was led to believe that it was "just" a difficult high risk pregnancy and that since I wouldn't be pregnant forever, if we could "just" get to a certain gestational age, things would be fine and we would live happily ever after.
At five years 4 months of age, my preemie is now a "former" preemie, an IUGR survivor and even though for the most part we live happily, it is not an easy road.
Today he is having two teeth pulled due to something related to his prematurity... enamel dysplasia. Five years after he was born, his preemie status is still giving him trouble. He does not like it, is not looking forward to it, and my heart bleeds for him. He is already different looking with his IUGR related undervelopment, his preemie related bad eyesight and glasses and his brain damage related CP gait.. now he will be the only kid in his class with two front teeth (upper) missing :(
Oh how wonderful... it's not the teeth per se, although since we are looking to at least anothe year before his new ones grow in, it's the issues this will cause. Kids are not supposed to be without teeth for too long and he will be :( I don't know how this will affect his speech, he is already in speech therapy ... or his eating, which is already a huge daily struggle...
Wish us luck please... Even grown preemies are different in a way a parent of a full term baby can't understand :( I do not wish preemiehood to anyone.
Monday, March 07, 2011
Inspired...
It was one of those rare moments I got to sculpt from a live newborn a few weeks ago, and not only that, she was a 34 week preemie!!
Thank you Mary M. and the nurses at the NICU.. May I present, Elise, to you?
Thank you Mary M. and the nurses at the NICU.. May I present, Elise, to you?
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Pregnant....
No!! not in real life!! :) Gotta huh? I had a dream the other night I was pregnant... it was a weird dream because I felt the baby move Alien style in my belly.. my boys had felt like that at around 24 weeks when they were both trying to turn head down.. we ended up with John horizontal (in the back) and Cody almost "standing up" on the left side of my body, feet down... the "T" bone babies ha ha.
So anyway I had a dream I was having another baby and I was desperately looking for a physician to give me an ultrasound because I had no idea WHEN I had gotten pregnant or...ehm... by who... (blush).
In my years battling infertility, I had very often dreamed about having babies... I know this will sound ultra-weird but I had many prophetic dreams and over the years I have learned to trust my instict and what my dreams were telling me...
Admist my despair for a baby I kept having a specific dream... I had had two babies... one with black hair that was tiny and frail and a chubby cherubical blonde one. They had only given me the blonde one and a few days later when I realized the frail one was also mine, I looked for it and they had left it to die.. so I took it, fed it, cleaned it and nursed it to health.
It wasn't the imagery that was so powerful but the true feelings of joy, despair and anxiety that the dream caused me. I often woke up with a wet pillow...
Lo and behold, I DID have two babies, a big baby and a frail baby, although it was the blonde baby (John) that was the tiny one.. and I didn't get John immediately because he was in the NICU... just like my dream.
I wonder if it was was God's (or the Universe's, if you do not believe in God) way of assuring me that I WILL be a mom... soon... one day.
I often dream about another pregnancy... and lately I have been wondering if it IS in fact meant to be. Things are difficult, yes... I am still torn badly between my desire to have another baby or leave it. Do I have the money, the space and the reserves for one more... especially with two special needs kids already?
Will I regret it 10 years from now if I don't? Will I live out the rest of my life, wishing I had just one more?
Yes... I will.
A baby is forever... everything else is temporary, money, a house, even a bad marriage situation with a husband... temporary. A daughter... my Ellie... I wish...
So anyway I had a dream I was having another baby and I was desperately looking for a physician to give me an ultrasound because I had no idea WHEN I had gotten pregnant or...ehm... by who... (blush).
In my years battling infertility, I had very often dreamed about having babies... I know this will sound ultra-weird but I had many prophetic dreams and over the years I have learned to trust my instict and what my dreams were telling me...
Admist my despair for a baby I kept having a specific dream... I had had two babies... one with black hair that was tiny and frail and a chubby cherubical blonde one. They had only given me the blonde one and a few days later when I realized the frail one was also mine, I looked for it and they had left it to die.. so I took it, fed it, cleaned it and nursed it to health.
It wasn't the imagery that was so powerful but the true feelings of joy, despair and anxiety that the dream caused me. I often woke up with a wet pillow...
Lo and behold, I DID have two babies, a big baby and a frail baby, although it was the blonde baby (John) that was the tiny one.. and I didn't get John immediately because he was in the NICU... just like my dream.
I wonder if it was was God's (or the Universe's, if you do not believe in God) way of assuring me that I WILL be a mom... soon... one day.
I often dream about another pregnancy... and lately I have been wondering if it IS in fact meant to be. Things are difficult, yes... I am still torn badly between my desire to have another baby or leave it. Do I have the money, the space and the reserves for one more... especially with two special needs kids already?
Will I regret it 10 years from now if I don't? Will I live out the rest of my life, wishing I had just one more?
Yes... I will.
A baby is forever... everything else is temporary, money, a house, even a bad marriage situation with a husband... temporary. A daughter... my Ellie... I wish...
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Preemies everywhere...
Since the start of the year I have been prolific with sculpting ... not so with photographing and selling though... I am being overrun by preemies...
Do you see boy? Girl? I am also running out of cute names ;)
Do you see boy? Girl? I am also running out of cute names ;)
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Words of Wisdom...
Kind of... I am not really very wise :) Back when I started sculpting realistic babies, in 1997, I had no idea there were others sculpting them too, mainly because the internet was NOT like we know it today... Having an e-mail address was a miracle ;) I was studying in the University of Glasgow and we were "aboard" a network called SuperJanet... I was a Unix user ;)
Fun times...
In 1999 the internet was more similar to what we know today, you could Google things or more precisely, you could "Alta Vista" things because Alta Vista and Lycos were the search engines I used back then and that's when, I think in 2000 or 2001, I saw other artists too. My first were Linda Webb and Eva Helland..and I remember thinking "I SOOO want to be like them... but no chance, I will NEVER be this good".
But here I am 11 years later.. It's very hard for me to gage how "good" I am and it's not a race anyway. I'm happy, people like my work, win-win.
But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't tormented by my own thoughts of not beeing good "enough". Actually, I still am... but you see, my fellow artist, this is a GOOD thing, because the moment you step back and say "Wow I am SO perfect" you are done growing... and when you are done growing, others will grow taller than you, and block out the stars... and personally I am aiming for the stars in a way... I just want to reach a point Madamme Tusseau's would hire me :) Or The Creature Shop... or George Lucas... or I would FINALLY replace that stupid preemie doll used in Grey's Anatomy... IT DOESN'T LOOK REAL, STOP IT!!! I can do better!! :) (ok off my soap box)
So back then you dared not ask questions. "How did you do that?" "What clay do you use" etc. Nobody would talk!! These days things are more relaxed, and you can get info, tutorials... back then I bought Rortrat's Schrott's book and I was impressed but... it really EXPLAIN things.. it just showed how she sculpted a doll... and of course it left me thirsty for more. But alas, relief was not to come, I was left alone to struggle with trial and error until I found my own way. I am not sure if this made me wise but here is what I have learned and I want to share :)
* Always pretend the piece you are working on is your BEST-PIECE-EVER!! give it all you've got and if you are tired, take a break, don't push it and got Pete's shake DON'T bake it tonight... just because you are antsy!!
* Money is not a good way to judge how good (or decide how bad) your work is! You will be amazed when you see what people spend THOUSANDS of dollars on these days. Just because a baby got a better price than yours or an artists sells for $3000 doesn't mean YOUR work is bad.
* Don't cut corners... smooth out right NOW, not at the end. Clean up NOW, not at the end... do it as you go along, because in the end, it will all come together!
* Don't bake for more time in a lower temperature!! This is not food! This is chemistry! A certain temperature must be reached for clay to polymerize... seriously!
* Cracks and moonies are part of the business.. and a note to collectors, if you are looking for "perfect" buy machine made... these are hand made pieces... made by imperfect people :) it's what makes them unique!!
* I still cross my fingers before placing a piece in the oven... Remember, you are not done until it makes it out of the oven... "alive".
* Always use reference photographs... always... seriously, I mean it!
* Don't be afraid to experiment!!
* It's ok to lower your price if it means you can use the money to buy more clay and try again... For a few years I was working in a regular 9-5 job and I sculpted. I used the money I made from the dolls I sold just to buy tools and clay, I made NO profit whatsoever, in fact my day job was supporting my sculpting.
* you don't need fancy tools or a fancy studio... I use maybe 6 tools and two of them are knitting needles!
* Study..every chance you get. It doesn't matter if you've been sculpting 10 minutes or 20 years...
* Don't give up. The ONLY way to become good is practice.. NOTHING else.
* Lastly, don't rush into producing your own vinyl yet... Be fair and critical, look around you. Spend the money to train more, do a class, buy more clay and practice more, take stock again in 6 months. And in all honesty (and this goes to me too!) having a kit out does not make you a successful artist. The opposite. A bad kit will tar your reputation because kits never look as good as the OOAKs and more people will see the vinyl not the OOAK and they will judge you based on that...
Just my two cents :) Take it or leave it... take it with a pinch of salt even... take some of it :) I wish someone had told me all this when I first started :)
Fun times...
In 1999 the internet was more similar to what we know today, you could Google things or more precisely, you could "Alta Vista" things because Alta Vista and Lycos were the search engines I used back then and that's when, I think in 2000 or 2001, I saw other artists too. My first were Linda Webb and Eva Helland..and I remember thinking "I SOOO want to be like them... but no chance, I will NEVER be this good".
But here I am 11 years later.. It's very hard for me to gage how "good" I am and it's not a race anyway. I'm happy, people like my work, win-win.
But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't tormented by my own thoughts of not beeing good "enough". Actually, I still am... but you see, my fellow artist, this is a GOOD thing, because the moment you step back and say "Wow I am SO perfect" you are done growing... and when you are done growing, others will grow taller than you, and block out the stars... and personally I am aiming for the stars in a way... I just want to reach a point Madamme Tusseau's would hire me :) Or The Creature Shop... or George Lucas... or I would FINALLY replace that stupid preemie doll used in Grey's Anatomy... IT DOESN'T LOOK REAL, STOP IT!!! I can do better!! :) (ok off my soap box)
So back then you dared not ask questions. "How did you do that?" "What clay do you use" etc. Nobody would talk!! These days things are more relaxed, and you can get info, tutorials... back then I bought Rortrat's Schrott's book and I was impressed but... it really EXPLAIN things.. it just showed how she sculpted a doll... and of course it left me thirsty for more. But alas, relief was not to come, I was left alone to struggle with trial and error until I found my own way. I am not sure if this made me wise but here is what I have learned and I want to share :)
* Always pretend the piece you are working on is your BEST-PIECE-EVER!! give it all you've got and if you are tired, take a break, don't push it and got Pete's shake DON'T bake it tonight... just because you are antsy!!
* Money is not a good way to judge how good (or decide how bad) your work is! You will be amazed when you see what people spend THOUSANDS of dollars on these days. Just because a baby got a better price than yours or an artists sells for $3000 doesn't mean YOUR work is bad.
* Don't cut corners... smooth out right NOW, not at the end. Clean up NOW, not at the end... do it as you go along, because in the end, it will all come together!
* Don't bake for more time in a lower temperature!! This is not food! This is chemistry! A certain temperature must be reached for clay to polymerize... seriously!
* Cracks and moonies are part of the business.. and a note to collectors, if you are looking for "perfect" buy machine made... these are hand made pieces... made by imperfect people :) it's what makes them unique!!
* I still cross my fingers before placing a piece in the oven... Remember, you are not done until it makes it out of the oven... "alive".
* Always use reference photographs... always... seriously, I mean it!
* Don't be afraid to experiment!!
* It's ok to lower your price if it means you can use the money to buy more clay and try again... For a few years I was working in a regular 9-5 job and I sculpted. I used the money I made from the dolls I sold just to buy tools and clay, I made NO profit whatsoever, in fact my day job was supporting my sculpting.
* you don't need fancy tools or a fancy studio... I use maybe 6 tools and two of them are knitting needles!
* Study..every chance you get. It doesn't matter if you've been sculpting 10 minutes or 20 years...
* Don't give up. The ONLY way to become good is practice.. NOTHING else.
* Lastly, don't rush into producing your own vinyl yet... Be fair and critical, look around you. Spend the money to train more, do a class, buy more clay and practice more, take stock again in 6 months. And in all honesty (and this goes to me too!) having a kit out does not make you a successful artist. The opposite. A bad kit will tar your reputation because kits never look as good as the OOAKs and more people will see the vinyl not the OOAK and they will judge you based on that...
Just my two cents :) Take it or leave it... take it with a pinch of salt even... take some of it :) I wish someone had told me all this when I first started :)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
They all start up like this...
... and after many hours/days/sometimes even MONTHS... they look like this...
And after you sigh becaues you've made it through...
You realize you've got to start thinking about limbs...
And that's when I usually need a break... :) and that is why it takes me so long to finish them!
The End :)
And after you sigh becaues you've made it through...
You realize you've got to start thinking about limbs...
And that's when I usually need a break... :) and that is why it takes me so long to finish them!
The End :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
On eBay tonight...
And for ONE day only... Baby Holden... one of my best this year I think...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300530918854
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300530918854
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Another way to look at it...
Up until a few days ago, when things where doom and gloom at school with John, I would ask myself, during my monthly self-pity party, "why me? Why John? I did everything right with him during pregnancy. I have never smoked in my life, I do not drink, I took all my prenatals, I ate right, I was on bedrest... why does John have special needs?"
After our committee evaluation the last two weeks, I was told John is "a rare child". His intelligence is MENSA worthy, he is a genius, not just because of his vocabulary but because of the way he has made sense of the world around, of the intricate connections he understands and the way he interacts... Genius indeed...
I knew my kid was smart, but hearing it from the "horse's mouth" after two weeks of every imaginable testing has really boosted my spirits and hopes for John.
So I started looking at it like this: John, as a fetus, faced dire odds. He wasn't supposed to survive as we were told in our 20 week anatomy scan... yet, he survived against all odds for 16 whole weeks and we surpased our 28 week mark by 8 whole weeks... and I got a living, breathing child, albeit bruised and battle scarred.
And this is how I look at it now... BECAUSE I never smoked and never drink... BECAUSE I stayed in bed for 16 weeks sleeping in a sitting position... BECAUSE I took all my prenatals and ate right... John survived in me against all odds.. and because of all that, when he suffered brain damage in utero and his brain was forced to re-wire, something happened then, something developed in his brain and not only he is able to talk and walk with only mild CP, he is also very very smart...
So I did everything right and my son survived... and he is perfect to my eyes... and if his lazy ass teacher and everyone else who shunned him away can't see that... TOO BAD FOR THEM!! my son knows he is loved, he is secure in his knowledge he is unique and I feel sorry for anyone who will not look beyond his awkward gait and the things he can't do, to see the gem he is and the things he CAN do...especially when he is the ONLY one of his peers who can do them, including his twin brother.
I am so happy it IS me who has John :) I am so blessed!! :)
After our committee evaluation the last two weeks, I was told John is "a rare child". His intelligence is MENSA worthy, he is a genius, not just because of his vocabulary but because of the way he has made sense of the world around, of the intricate connections he understands and the way he interacts... Genius indeed...
I knew my kid was smart, but hearing it from the "horse's mouth" after two weeks of every imaginable testing has really boosted my spirits and hopes for John.
So I started looking at it like this: John, as a fetus, faced dire odds. He wasn't supposed to survive as we were told in our 20 week anatomy scan... yet, he survived against all odds for 16 whole weeks and we surpased our 28 week mark by 8 whole weeks... and I got a living, breathing child, albeit bruised and battle scarred.
And this is how I look at it now... BECAUSE I never smoked and never drink... BECAUSE I stayed in bed for 16 weeks sleeping in a sitting position... BECAUSE I took all my prenatals and ate right... John survived in me against all odds.. and because of all that, when he suffered brain damage in utero and his brain was forced to re-wire, something happened then, something developed in his brain and not only he is able to talk and walk with only mild CP, he is also very very smart...
So I did everything right and my son survived... and he is perfect to my eyes... and if his lazy ass teacher and everyone else who shunned him away can't see that... TOO BAD FOR THEM!! my son knows he is loved, he is secure in his knowledge he is unique and I feel sorry for anyone who will not look beyond his awkward gait and the things he can't do, to see the gem he is and the things he CAN do...especially when he is the ONLY one of his peers who can do them, including his twin brother.
I am so happy it IS me who has John :) I am so blessed!! :)
Preemies...
First let me thank you for your kind e-mails and comments regarding my post last night :) You are soooo sweet :)
I am sick (again) and because of my blog I can now track exactly how often the boys pass something to me on a monthly basis.. It's ok, it's just a little cold, I will be fine but its relevant to what I want to tell you :)
Last night, I took a couple of pills for the cold so my nose would allow me to, you know, BREATHE during the night and went to bed..
I dreamt I was a NICU nurse (what do they PUT in those cold pills?!?!?). And I dreamed of preemies..and I was like "Oh my Gosh, I get to see a MICRO PREEMIE in the FLESH... I need to remember all this so I can SCULPT a better one!"
Yeah... there must be something really good in these pills... Don't be alarmed if a micro preemie gets sculpted in the next few days... because by golly, I was in a NICU and saw them... in the flesh... oh wait... ehmmmmm... maybe it was an out of body experience??
Whateva... I love my little green cold and flu pills ;) ;)
I am sick (again) and because of my blog I can now track exactly how often the boys pass something to me on a monthly basis.. It's ok, it's just a little cold, I will be fine but its relevant to what I want to tell you :)
Last night, I took a couple of pills for the cold so my nose would allow me to, you know, BREATHE during the night and went to bed..
I dreamt I was a NICU nurse (what do they PUT in those cold pills?!?!?). And I dreamed of preemies..and I was like "Oh my Gosh, I get to see a MICRO PREEMIE in the FLESH... I need to remember all this so I can SCULPT a better one!"
Yeah... there must be something really good in these pills... Don't be alarmed if a micro preemie gets sculpted in the next few days... because by golly, I was in a NICU and saw them... in the flesh... oh wait... ehmmmmm... maybe it was an out of body experience??
Whateva... I love my little green cold and flu pills ;) ;)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Artist thoughts..
When I started this blog, I did so, so I could share my creations AND my thoughts with all of you... I've always believed I am nothing special really, just your ordinary girl next door. I sculpt because I LOVE it not because I want to get rich by it or become famous. It was a nice surprise when I was brought to a position where I could support my family doing what I loved... I will admit sometimes, it IS about the money... I put bread on the table with my dolls, I have no other means to support our family... but most times, it is about doing what I love... for those I love... you, the collectors, who many have become my friends over the years...
So today I want to talk about when you make something that doesn't sell...
"Daddy's Girl" from last week... didn't sell. Not even when I lowered her price by $200... Now I've got an auction that ends tomorrow, and not one bid... let's forget the financial aspect of this for a minute...
What ELSE does this mean to me?
Those who know me, know I am not a competitive person... I am not intimidated by other talented people, the opposite, I support them and help them if I can (and they ask for it :)). I think the biggest proof of this is that I teach sculpting :)
Both of the sculpts, I did with great care, loads of love and in my opinion they are Awesome!! I put a lot of work in them, in fact they each took me a long time to finish because I did them in between orders...
So when they didn't sell you know what I thought? People rejected my work :( You would think the first thought would be something like, "oh no, the power bill is up and I didn't sell like I planned to, now where will I find the money?" or "people might not have money at this time"... But no... my thoughts are "they didn't like them, I am not a good sculptor!" :(
Insecure much?
I often get e-mails filled with praise and I have been generally successful in what I do but I don't think I am "there" yet... where exactly is "there" I don't know. I just feel I still have so much to learn and there is room for much improvement... I often see sculptures by other artists, usually new ones and I think "wow I want to be like HER!"... Yeah I know, silly huh? But you see, I told you I was like everyone else :)
Going back to the issue of money though... I really hope my babies sell this week :) I really do have bills to pay lol :)
Hugs
Tina
So today I want to talk about when you make something that doesn't sell...
"Daddy's Girl" from last week... didn't sell. Not even when I lowered her price by $200... Now I've got an auction that ends tomorrow, and not one bid... let's forget the financial aspect of this for a minute...
What ELSE does this mean to me?
Those who know me, know I am not a competitive person... I am not intimidated by other talented people, the opposite, I support them and help them if I can (and they ask for it :)). I think the biggest proof of this is that I teach sculpting :)
Both of the sculpts, I did with great care, loads of love and in my opinion they are Awesome!! I put a lot of work in them, in fact they each took me a long time to finish because I did them in between orders...
So when they didn't sell you know what I thought? People rejected my work :( You would think the first thought would be something like, "oh no, the power bill is up and I didn't sell like I planned to, now where will I find the money?" or "people might not have money at this time"... But no... my thoughts are "they didn't like them, I am not a good sculptor!" :(
Insecure much?
I often get e-mails filled with praise and I have been generally successful in what I do but I don't think I am "there" yet... where exactly is "there" I don't know. I just feel I still have so much to learn and there is room for much improvement... I often see sculptures by other artists, usually new ones and I think "wow I want to be like HER!"... Yeah I know, silly huh? But you see, I told you I was like everyone else :)
Going back to the issue of money though... I really hope my babies sell this week :) I really do have bills to pay lol :)
Hugs
Tina
Broody...
There are days I am content with my little family and others I desperately want another child... not just any child though, a girl named Ellie after my grandmother.
You see, I see everything as temporary, like my marriage situation for instance or the financial aspect, whereas a child is forever... I am like a single mom anyway in every aspect of daily life... EVERY aspect... so if *I* think I can manage, why not go for it right?
Then of course there is the issue of the extra weight... I gained 100lbs since I was 25 and we started trying... the injections, the pills, the worry, the 3 years of chemicals pumped into me... I gained.
I can't (and shouldn't) get PG in this weight... however I seem unable (and unwilling) to lose weight.
Sigh... a baby girl... Will I regret NOT having another baby say, 20 years from now? YES!! I am positive I will... I am sure in 20 years I will look back and think things weren't so bad maybe... and I could have had another one. So where does this leave me now?
I am not sure... all I know is, until I hold my baby girl in my arms and smell her sweet skin... my heart will continue longing and command my hands to make baby girls... from clay...
You see, I see everything as temporary, like my marriage situation for instance or the financial aspect, whereas a child is forever... I am like a single mom anyway in every aspect of daily life... EVERY aspect... so if *I* think I can manage, why not go for it right?
Then of course there is the issue of the extra weight... I gained 100lbs since I was 25 and we started trying... the injections, the pills, the worry, the 3 years of chemicals pumped into me... I gained.
I can't (and shouldn't) get PG in this weight... however I seem unable (and unwilling) to lose weight.
Sigh... a baby girl... Will I regret NOT having another baby say, 20 years from now? YES!! I am positive I will... I am sure in 20 years I will look back and think things weren't so bad maybe... and I could have had another one. So where does this leave me now?
I am not sure... all I know is, until I hold my baby girl in my arms and smell her sweet skin... my heart will continue longing and command my hands to make baby girls... from clay...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
On eBay tonight...
I've worked on the baby and her "goodies" whenever time allowed since before Christmas and she is finally ready... going on eBay tonight.
Here's her presentation...
And here is her auction: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300528552909
Here's her presentation...
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| Photo album customized with Smilebox |
And here is her auction: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300528552909
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Better and some eye candy...
I woke up this morning with a rotten headache... the whole back of my neck was killing me and so was the lower part of my skull.
I decided not to take the boys to school (which was a good thing as it turned out, keep reading) and because of my rotten behavior yesterday, I would make it up to them today.
So I got up, took a Panadol, and when we all got up, I took them to IKEA for breakfast (they love it) and we bought a night light we needed for their room. They picked out a blue mushroom!
Then I took them to the Playmobil FunPark where they were delighted to find that the new line "Secret Agents" was out!! When we left I bought them each a toy... I was spoiling them, I know, but this is mommy guilt...
We went to therapy, then I took them out for lunch and we had "souvlakia", a traditional Greek food, kind of like Fish and Chips, in the sense you can get it everywhere and you can eat it as you go.
At five we had an appointment for haircuts and then we visited grandma Eva for a bit, then went home, where they had a looong bath with loads of toys, while mommy checked e-mail she hadn't checked for 24hrs!
(don't worry, the bathroom is right next to my room and hey, they are five now... lol)
Then it went sour... Cody got out of the tub screaming his ear hurt. He's had a stuffy nose and productive cough for a week now but the doc said it is just a common virus, no need for antibiotics and it will clear out on it's own... turns out, the fluid built-up, hurt his inner ear even though we have been dilligent with cleaning his nose with salline and all that jazz.
I called my MIL to get me some ear drops and she brought me EYE drops!
I managed to get Cody to drink some kid Ibuprofen and he calmed down and went to sleep... John on the other hand... proceeded to throw up everything he had eatten all day, all over my bathroom... then he wouldn't go to sleep and he is now asleep behinme on my bed as I type this...
Aaaaaand looks like they won't be going to school tomorrow either... and I need to get them to the doctor to be checked out... and I won't be having my haircut I so desperately need... which is ok. I can look like a mop for a few more days, right?
And here is some eye candy for you... I can't understand why she hasn't found a mommy yet... She is SO beautiful and REAL looking, at least in person... anyhoo... here is "Daddy's Girl".
Good night and here's hoping a better day dawns on us tomorrow!!
I decided not to take the boys to school (which was a good thing as it turned out, keep reading) and because of my rotten behavior yesterday, I would make it up to them today.
So I got up, took a Panadol, and when we all got up, I took them to IKEA for breakfast (they love it) and we bought a night light we needed for their room. They picked out a blue mushroom!
Then I took them to the Playmobil FunPark where they were delighted to find that the new line "Secret Agents" was out!! When we left I bought them each a toy... I was spoiling them, I know, but this is mommy guilt...
We went to therapy, then I took them out for lunch and we had "souvlakia", a traditional Greek food, kind of like Fish and Chips, in the sense you can get it everywhere and you can eat it as you go.
At five we had an appointment for haircuts and then we visited grandma Eva for a bit, then went home, where they had a looong bath with loads of toys, while mommy checked e-mail she hadn't checked for 24hrs!
(don't worry, the bathroom is right next to my room and hey, they are five now... lol)
Then it went sour... Cody got out of the tub screaming his ear hurt. He's had a stuffy nose and productive cough for a week now but the doc said it is just a common virus, no need for antibiotics and it will clear out on it's own... turns out, the fluid built-up, hurt his inner ear even though we have been dilligent with cleaning his nose with salline and all that jazz.
I called my MIL to get me some ear drops and she brought me EYE drops!
I managed to get Cody to drink some kid Ibuprofen and he calmed down and went to sleep... John on the other hand... proceeded to throw up everything he had eatten all day, all over my bathroom... then he wouldn't go to sleep and he is now asleep behinme on my bed as I type this...
Aaaaaand looks like they won't be going to school tomorrow either... and I need to get them to the doctor to be checked out... and I won't be having my haircut I so desperately need... which is ok. I can look like a mop for a few more days, right?
And here is some eye candy for you... I can't understand why she hasn't found a mommy yet... She is SO beautiful and REAL looking, at least in person... anyhoo... here is "Daddy's Girl".
Good night and here's hoping a better day dawns on us tomorrow!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
This morning
This morning I woke up after two weeks of extreme stress with the boys going through the "system" and evaluations (today is the last one), with a headache, a very heavy heart and my nerves felt shattered.
I was so tired, I didn't take them school, I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't get THEM out of bed either...
I feel if someone touches me, I will slap him.. I am so TENSE, I've been screaming all day. This is not good... I just had a nervous breakdown on the phone. I need to take Cody to his child-psych evaluation in less than an hour. I can't even THINK straight. I do not know what is wrong with me but suddenly the drugs the psychiatrist I have been seeing, offered, sound like a good idea. Maybe something light to get me to function again...
It is exhausting to be in charge for two boys, who at age 5+, one would think, would be somewhat independent and able to play FOR FIVE FRACKING MINUTES ON THEIR OWN!!!!
Ok I am doing it AGAIN... this is NOT my day.
I just wanted to let everyone know I am turning my PC off for the day.. I can't take it. I just need some peace and quiet, to get down and catch up with work and maybe once I am caught up, I will feel better in general... so please do not worry if you do not hear from me today. I will still get through work but I just need to focus right now... get the evaluation over with, get the boys to my MIL for a few hrs, sit down and complete some orders so I can breath easier and feel better all around.
I think work is the one thing that calms me right now...
I will be back tomorrow with photos and news of completed work all around I hope... I just need ONE day to really focus... and maybe that will stop me from screaming at everyone ..and no I don't feel better afterwards either... this sucks :(
I was so tired, I didn't take them school, I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't get THEM out of bed either...
I feel if someone touches me, I will slap him.. I am so TENSE, I've been screaming all day. This is not good... I just had a nervous breakdown on the phone. I need to take Cody to his child-psych evaluation in less than an hour. I can't even THINK straight. I do not know what is wrong with me but suddenly the drugs the psychiatrist I have been seeing, offered, sound like a good idea. Maybe something light to get me to function again...
It is exhausting to be in charge for two boys, who at age 5+, one would think, would be somewhat independent and able to play FOR FIVE FRACKING MINUTES ON THEIR OWN!!!!
Ok I am doing it AGAIN... this is NOT my day.
I just wanted to let everyone know I am turning my PC off for the day.. I can't take it. I just need some peace and quiet, to get down and catch up with work and maybe once I am caught up, I will feel better in general... so please do not worry if you do not hear from me today. I will still get through work but I just need to focus right now... get the evaluation over with, get the boys to my MIL for a few hrs, sit down and complete some orders so I can breath easier and feel better all around.
I think work is the one thing that calms me right now...
I will be back tomorrow with photos and news of completed work all around I hope... I just need ONE day to really focus... and maybe that will stop me from screaming at everyone ..and no I don't feel better afterwards either... this sucks :(
Thursday, February 10, 2011
"Baby Boy"
I kinda feel sad that lately, I am so overwhelmed that I don't share as many of the sculpts I am completing with you guys but on the other hand, I like how I can connect with you via this blog, share my troubles, my thoughts... but some come in often for some eye candy so I will try and make a recent work gallery and update it often for you :)
But for now, here is a little boy I haven't shared (not available).
I think I might be getting tired lately.. the other day I was taking photos of an unbaked head and it rolled off the blanket on me just as I stepped away after arranging it, and the nose was all smooshed... then a few days ago I was packing an OOAK for the UK and ehm... I tripped over the cat (who wanted to be fed) and my hand landed on his knee and I broke his leg! Yeah... clumsy much?
But for now, here is a little boy I haven't shared (not available).
I think I might be getting tired lately.. the other day I was taking photos of an unbaked head and it rolled off the blanket on me just as I stepped away after arranging it, and the nose was all smooshed... then a few days ago I was packing an OOAK for the UK and ehm... I tripped over the cat (who wanted to be fed) and my hand landed on his knee and I broke his leg! Yeah... clumsy much?
Sitting Pretty
This little girl (light tan skin Naunitta) is sitting so pretty in her high chair, waiting to be fed, I couldn't help stop what I was doing, take a picture and share it with you!!
I've tried to sell her several times but nobody seems to like her as much as I do, so I guess I will be fostering her a little longer lol :)
Not that I mind, really. She is SUCH a good girl!!! :)
I've tried to sell her several times but nobody seems to like her as much as I do, so I guess I will be fostering her a little longer lol :)
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Please pray!
Hi everyone,
For those who do not know us, I am Tina, I have twin boys who just turned 5 years old .One with ADHD, and one with multiple issues including CP.
Today is our review board meeting... this is a VERY important meeting. It can make or break, John's school career.
They will decide if an aide is required... and it IS required, problem is because Greece is in crisis right now, they will do EVERYTHING to get out of it, including asking the school board that John repeats classes, even though he is a MODEL student and the brightest in his class, just so they do not have to pay for an aide.
PLEASE prayer warriors, please, pray for John and Cody to get ONE aide to help them both in class. I have been praying for this for months and after months and months of being in the waiting list, we finally get our review today...
I believe that God, who trusted these two in my care, will not abandon them/me... we've fought for John's right to live while I was pregnant, now we are fighting for his quality of life, for an education and a decent shot at a future... please help his intellect shine beyond a broken body, please pray for an aide for John...
Thank you so much in advance... Dear Lord, you've held my hand throughout infertility, throughout a difficult and painful pregnancy please do not abandon my sons now... Amen.
For those who do not know us, I am Tina, I have twin boys who just turned 5 years old .One with ADHD, and one with multiple issues including CP.
Today is our review board meeting... this is a VERY important meeting. It can make or break, John's school career.
They will decide if an aide is required... and it IS required, problem is because Greece is in crisis right now, they will do EVERYTHING to get out of it, including asking the school board that John repeats classes, even though he is a MODEL student and the brightest in his class, just so they do not have to pay for an aide.
PLEASE prayer warriors, please, pray for John and Cody to get ONE aide to help them both in class. I have been praying for this for months and after months and months of being in the waiting list, we finally get our review today...
I believe that God, who trusted these two in my care, will not abandon them/me... we've fought for John's right to live while I was pregnant, now we are fighting for his quality of life, for an education and a decent shot at a future... please help his intellect shine beyond a broken body, please pray for an aide for John...
Thank you so much in advance... Dear Lord, you've held my hand throughout infertility, throughout a difficult and painful pregnancy please do not abandon my sons now... Amen.
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