The diet question...

It's no secret that I am fat... There, I said it. I am fat.
I am well educated. I have a University degree.. in fact I have more than one of those in different fields.
I am an accomplished cook. I can cook from scratch, food from any cuisine around the world. I make killer desserts! From scratch... I speak 3 languages, two of them extremelly fluently in case you haven't noticed ;) I am (mostly) good looking. I am a good photographer. I am creative. I have a really good singing voice. I can play the guitar and the piano. I have a degree in computers and graphic design.
I am compasionate, I am not self-centered... some people might even call me a doormat... I am friendly, I am helpful and I am fun to be around. I will pick you up if you are feeling down, I am a loyal friend... in other words I am accomplished I think... and very blessed and I am dully grateful to the Maker for all my gifts..In fact without meaning to toot my own horn, I am, I think a little above average.

But for some people, none of these matter.One look at me and ALL they see is a fat woman.
I was IGNORED even though it was my turn at Starbucks the other day because the girl behind me was blonde, 20 and beautiful. I kid you not... the male barrista totally ignored me and asked her BEHIND me what she would like... THEN me.
When I go to a doctor they take one look at me and suddenly the remedy for ANY medical issue I might have (even if it is a tooth ache), is lose some weight.
Yet my cholesterol is perfect, so is my heart and my blood sugar and my BP.
All they see is a piece of fat.

I was thin once, not so long ago. I was thin all my life... I never had a weight issue EVER. Then I wanted kids and went the fertility drugs route... in between I lost my job and I was stuck at home all day... and things started to get crammed, pushy, difficult. I was only a few years in Greece, having left my friends abroad, married to man who preferred me at home, in a (then) empty apartment building...alone. Food became my solace. My husband LOVES food. I can get away with murder, literally, as long as I make him his favorites and don't skimp on the quantity. ;)
So I ate... and one day, 8 years later, I am fat. Gone are the days I could walk in ANY store and find something my size. I used to fit into Zara's teen collection just 8 years ago.
And now... I look at the windows longingly (even though I was never a fashion addict) and say "They make don't this for elephants".

Still, food is still my only freedom. My time is not mine. There is a "must" in every moment of my day. George thinks because I have no boss, I am free but it is not true. I have multiple "bosses". People I answer to because that is the nature of this business and I am OK with that. But the stress is huge... and stress and sculpting do not mix as you very well know.
My every waking moment is ruled by what I must be doing right now... For instance I am writing a post to unload but I should be unloading and re-loading the dish washer and starting lunch.
So I turned to food. I was never a quantity girl and I have a very limited palate. Like my son I can eat two bites of something and be ok with it. But all my favorites are the fattening things...

Being fat sucks especially in this country of model-thin people. I am such a minority that there are only TWO stores in the entire city I can shop from (I buy most of my stuff on eBay for this reason). It's sad because I avoid pics like the Devil.. I have no pics of me and my boys together :(
Yet, with food being my only "free" choice and outlet, I can't give it up. I can't tolerate the thought of another "must" or "mustn't" in my life.

Family (who by a twist of fate are all model thin and FASHION DESIGNERS!!!) will often come to me and say "I know of this GREAT dietician"... or this GREAT diet... and my mom wants me to get a gastric bypass.
None understand that I too know (and can succesfully follow as it turned out) a GREAT diet... and I know of a GREAT dietician (and I can't afford neither do I qualify for a bypass!). I am not missing those things... it's the will that I I am missing. I can't go on a diet not because I don't know how.. but because I am not mentally there.

Before dad died, in June, I started on the South Beach diet and stuck to it religiously for almost 3 months (until he died). Man I did GREAT. I lost a ton of weight... then he died and I didn't care anymore. We are coming up to his 6 month anniversary and his birthday in a few days and I think I am starting to come out of the fog that is grief. Don't get me wrong I still and will always cry for him. I will always miss him and this hole in my heart will never fill up. Whenever I call my brother I will keep him talking nonsense just to hear his voice that sounds so much like dad's.
Am I coming up to the place, mentally, that I can go back on my diet?
It's GREAT to be thinner. I know I will never get my figure back. Twin pregnancy  and enough steroids to be detected in my blood years later, made sure of that. Nothing sort of a tummy tuck will get rid of the tummy. And my zebra stripes will always be there too... but I am not aftera biking figure at all... I would love to be downgraded from "fat" to "chubby" though. I so wish my personality would outshine my lard body... but it doesn't. Apparently there is enough padding around my midsection to drown out anything else ;)

I am not fat because I am uneducated or stupid... and I don't regret it either. If someone came to me 8 years ago, as I was sitting all pretty in my size 12 outfit and said to me, you will be a mom but you will be a size 20 and look like a beached whale... I would STILL pick my boys over my figure.

Too bad my family can't see that and instead of me being worth my weight in gold for the person I am and what I offer my family... I am only worth my weight in lard... and inspite the triple digit number on the scale... apparenlty it is not worth much... not much at all.

I've never thought not to love you...

(a day late but I was in too much pain to blog yesterday)

My dearest, sweetest little boys...

Happy Valentine's day!! I never liked Valentine's day, at least not after I turned about 15 or so lol, but when I had you, I realized I was so in love with you, that I did celebrate Valenntine's after all... but with you two.

I hope you read this one day and understand...
When I first got pregnant with you, I tried really hard not to love you. This was after years of infertility and my innocence and belief in the "you get a positive pregnancy test and nine blessed months later you are holding a healthy, pink, chubby baby" story was long gone.
So I tried not to love you at first. I didn't want to get hurt again in case I lost you.

But it was impossible... I loved you more than life itself after that first sonogram when you were just the size of a bean. My beans!
And six years later, I love you more each day. You are my entire world. Everything I do, I do it for you. nothing else has meaning... I might scold or yell at you at times but I know you will never look into my eyes and wonder if you are wanted and loved.

Happy Valentine's day my sweets. I can't imagine my life without you :)
Love,
Mommy

And we all fall down..

Apparently though it is becoming a trend only with me...
I fell down.. AGAIN. And I hurt my knees. AGAIN... and I've a nasty sprain in my ankle...AGAIN.

As I was taking the boys home from school yesterday, I tripped over a gap in the pavement. I ducked forward to keep from falling but I had both packs on my back, mine and John's and for some bizarre reason, I started running, hunched over. I just.couldn't.straighten.my.back... the ONLY thing I could do was run forward, hunched over, to avoid losing my balance.

It was several seconds long because I remember thinking "what do I do now? I can't stop and I can't stand up... the only way to stop me is to ... fall down"... and down I went.
I got my left knee in a bloody mess, and sprained my ankle and busted my right knee pretty well. Because grace was never my strong suit... when I say fall down, I mean do it like a 10 ton mammoth does... just crumble into a pile!

I lay there for a good 10 minutes, people passing me by asking if I needed help... me fighting a wave of nausea (you know, the kind you get when you hurt a bone!). Thankfully the boys behaved and stayed next to me, not moving.

After 10 minutes of lying in the filthy pavement, I felt like I could stand up.. and I limped miserably to the car, drove in agony and then took an anti-inflamatory pill and iced my knee.
Man, it HURTS today!! My right knee and ankle have been hurt bad before so I am in agony on that side of my body plus apparently I pulled some muscles too because today they hurt.

When I fell my first thought was "seriously?". I couldn't believe I fell!! I mean, I am 34... you don't.fall.down when you are that old, right? This is my 3rd fall (one from the stairs!) in a month.
I have a sneaking suscpicion there is something wrong with my ears. I've been sick for a month so maybe I have fluid in there... or it's just that I am still not 100% (although I am much better) and I get light headed and dizzy a lot which I do and then I trip...

In any case, I am covered in blood and bruises and man, it HURTS. I am off to put my feet up and take some pain killers. I STILL can't believe I tripped over my feet and fell though... I mean, SERIOUSLY???

Done?

Yesterday I was browsing through photos of the boys as babies (up to 1 year old) looking for their first Halloween pics to send off to a morning show competition. I had them dressed in Tom Arma suits. John as a Skunk and Cody as a Beaver (because that's what I called them ;)).

As I was looking through the photos of their very first hours, progressing up to their one year birthday, I realized for the first time, I did NOT feel broody. I did NOT think "aw, I want to live THIS again"...
And it was...weird. I feel settled for the first time in a long time... complete even.
I am not sure it is because the financial situation in Greece is so bad right now. I am not sure if I will change my mind as soon as my sister (by choice not by blood ;)) gets pregnant herself... but for now the feeling is gone... and it's driving me crazy.

I just wish I could decide, and never look back one way or another. George really wants another child. Those who know of our ongoing marital issues (we have our good weeks and our bad weeks, I guess like all marriages and we are working on them), think that he only wants a child because he feels he will force me to stay ... those who know that we working on our marriage thinks it's ok... Hmmmm... I know for me George doesn't factor in. I don't actually depend on him for anything and I want a child, I would still go for it, with or without George. He is just not a factor. I know it sounds weird but he is rarely a factor these days.

Still yesterday looking at the early days of my babies did not make me cry, wanting that just one more time. And it was startling and weird. I guess if I did get pregnant tomorrow I would be happy about it and would never look bad... but if I didn't..? Just as well.
Is it because the boys have reached a stage at almost 6 1/2, that I am free with them? Because I am FINALLY sleeping through most nights? That on a Saturday morning, they are perfectly safe to get out of bed, go to the TV and watch cartoons quietly, snuggled on the couch for a good 1-2 hours without me having to wake up at 7am?
Yesterday I did not miss a single thing of what I saw in the pics... I did not miss diapers (although John is still incontinent and has to wear a night diaper - he does ok during day time with minimal accidents pet month). I did not miss breastfeeding, bottles, strollers or even sweet baby smells. I get more excited when I see pics of them running at sea or the playground or the zoo... and to try and decide what I really want, I play this game: we are i.e. at the Mall and I think "imagine if now you had a 6 month old in a stroller with you"... and the picture is off.
The babies I'd lost, the feeling of being pregnant... I don't miss any of that any more. I used to think that God (or Fate) "owed" me that baby I'd lost back... not anymore.

When I couldn't get pregnant I would beg God to just rip the desire out of me. I would live childless as He wanted, if only the desire was gone. I couldn't take the pain... Is this God answering my prayers for another baby? Is He saying to me "I see where your life is going even if you can't and because I love you, and I know how difficult another baby would be for you with what I see in your future, I am being kind and merciful and I rid you of the desire for another... live out in peace..."
Maybe ... or maybe I am preoccupied with all else in my life (and in the news about Greece) and a baby just isn't high in my list anymore because I have more pressing matters to attend to at the moment...
Who knows? But right now it feels as I would be just as happy with a puppy... hmmmmm
Wonder if I will be writing another post in a few months saying how I do want another baby... we shall see.

Edited to add: Another thought just occured to me.. Is it because I have two special needs little ones who totally, and in every sense, drained me so much that I simply have zero reserves for another child? I ADORE my boys, I wouldn't change a thing but it wasn't easy, I must acknowledge this. John is still hovering around 4 years old in inner maturity, he is still very much a baby who can't be trusted so maybe this is why I do not feel like wanting another?

Lets talk about dad...

I know you all come here to see cute dolls but I love sharing my life/thoughts with you... how I feel, direcdtly affects how I sculpt too, and let's face it, I love it when you mail me or comment with encouraging words.

On the 26th, it will be 6 months since my dad passed. I think about him everyday but not as frequently maybe. When I do think of him, the pang of gried is instant and hits me like a blast of blazing, impossible to breathe air right in the face. He is gone... and I will never see him again. It seems so surreal at this time. I have stopped taking plates of food to the door only to snap out of it and realize there is no one to take them to at this point.
Yet it only seems like ysterday, literally, I saw him last. Wasn't it yesterday he was driving my boys home from pre-school (for the short time they went to the private school he worked at).
Today I stopped by his car, still parked outside my building and took a look at all his things still inside. Two half-full bottles of water, his latest results of medical tests thrown in the back seat.... I have not had the guts to open the car and sit in it but I have been tempted to... it will still smell like him, right?

I think the fact he lived in the same building, makes it VERY hard for me, harder even because there isn't a single place in the building or around the neighborhood that is void of his memories. Everywhere I look, I see dad... driving down the road, the boys in the back seat, coming inside the building with super market bags...
And I can't go in his apartment, now rented by my brother in law and his girlfriend.

I so desperately want to go... for a few days but alas I have not the capability... I haven't gone away since he died... I don't about him anymore. People don't understand. I think in part because for most people, it's their mother their are close to, it's their mother that is their safe harbor, their helper... but for me, it was my dad and my dad only.

In a few weeks, Gus, his portrait doll is coming out and I can't wait. He was a little delayed but we are so close now to me holding him... I am excited :) Too bad the picture I have of him is black and white. I think his hair in the picture is brown or light brown... my dad has gray eyes and light colors..his hair was blonde in his older years but light brown when he was younger.
He honesly looked like John Stamos in his youth... he was a very handsome man.

As for me, I am counting week four of feeling ill. The "cold" I had turned into asymptomatic pneumonia and is kicking my butt. I have my good days (when I don't go out of the house) and my bad days. I woke up Saturday morning feeling ok and I drove to the super market only to spike a 104 fever that same night...actually half-way into shopping I started feeling woozy but thought nothing of it ... until we got home.
I stayed home Sunday and yesterday but had to go out to take the boys to school this morning so I pray I do not get another fever.

Hope you are all staying well and I promise next post will have cute dolls in it :)
Hugs
Tina

So ready not to be sick ;)

Hi all,
It's been a while huh? Well for the past 2 1/1 weeks, maybe a little more, I can't tell anymore, I've been sick. Correction... my entire family except George has been ill. Including that lady that I hire to help me out once a week with the house. So I've been sick, the boys have been sick and I didn't even have hired help, let alone, normal help ;)

It started with a runny nose for me, then two days later John started running a low grade fever... then Cody... then it turned into a high fever... then I woke up sometime in the a.m. feeling like I was freezing and you guessed it... *I* was running a high fever... for 4 days!! 104's and such.
Then the boys were a little better for a couple of days end of last week but I thought I would keep them home just in case... then John started spiking low grade fevers again and I took him to the ER... then I kept them home until today.

I was feeling *slightly* better each day but nothing major happened to say "OH I am finally 100%"... then my nose started running again and I got a sore throat. You guessed it. I caught something else. Ugh!!! I told George yesterday I feel sick... generally. You know... that feeling you have, heavy head, generally feeling run down? I am extremelly dizzy too.
So I am now on a different kind of antibiotics because this throat/tonsilitis thing seems to be viral. I think I caught it while in the ER with John (but I was SOOOO careful, I don't know how I did that).

So the boys are in school today and I am here trying to catch up on work while being dizzy ;)
I have worked on a new OOAK and some Natalies... Here is a (bad) picture of a redhead one with peaches and cream complexion. I am so happy with how she turned out!!!

Love this new pourer. The resin is so ... flawless :) It feels so much like clay, it's silly :)
I have finished 4 more Natalies, I will post pics when I dress them :) and I've shown their mommies first :)

They are here, they are here!!!

There is no greater joy for an artist than to receive a much expected package filled with her reproduced work. It doesn't matter if it is resin or vinyl, the excitement is the same, peppered with just a little trepidation because you know... you need to make sure it is exactly like you want it to be ;)

Today I got my Natalies! I was SO excited to get them that I didn't even wait for the postman to bring the notice... I just called, made sure the package was in the post office, loaded the kids in the car and off we went (I kept them home from school as apparently John has caught my flu-bug-thingie and was a little sick). Yes, not even a sick kid could stop me from going ;) Yes, I'd given him some Paracetamol and he felt good otherwise lol :)
Tomorrow I will go pick up the boxes and ribbons. Can't wait to show you!!

Ok off I go, I have so many things to do until tonight when I can sit down and paint some Natalies :)

Hugs
Tina

Spankings?

Today I got a feed in my e-mail from a blog I have been following a while. It's the story of a preemie boy who is now 2 1/2 (almost 3 actually). They hadn't posted since July so this was a long awaited post.
She writes that she sent her little boy to bible camp for a few days (!! at not even 3??) and that he only got "a few spankings" (!!!).

Huh?? I was so tempted to leave a comment but I restrained myself. Who am I to judge? He is a loved boy and this is a pained family as they lost their first baby and nearly lost the second (him). So I know the mom has gone through Hell complete with a lot of personal sacrifice for her son.
Still, it rubbed me wrong... very wrong.

I don't spank. Sure I had given the occassional swat on the butt, who hasn't? But I don't hit. I was hit mercilesly as a child by my mom (never my dad). I was beaten black and blue, I was terrorized (still wonder why I never mention my mom or why I have no relationship with her?), I lay awake at night in terror and worry often.
I don't hit. I don't take my nerves out on the kids. I wanted my kids. I worked really hard to get them here, to make them whole and functioning children. I don't hit.
But if I saw anyone lay a hand on them, child or adult, I would grind them to the ground. I am a very soft spoken person, practically a push-over. but when it comes to my kids, I am a dragon... not a lioness... a dragon, huge, fire breathing and with talons the size of an SUV. And I will unleash on you if you so much as touch my kids the wrong way...

"A few spankings"... on a former not even 3 preemie... In a BIBLE CHRISTIAN camp. Is my definition of Christian so much different then? Greeks are very firm Christians (Greek Orthodox, ever heard of that?)... I was never hit in Bibble Camp. I was never hit in Church Sunday School... my kids aren't either... am I the only one who finds this... wrong?

Exciting Week

This will be an exciting week!! My resin Natalies will (or should, please post office!!) be delivered, I have also ordered new certificates for my babies (always exciting for me!), my new business cards have already arrived, my Early Bird is off to production, I have also ordered these adorable boxes for the Natalies, they are sooooo cute and I can't wait to see them all wrapped up with their ribbons and little certificates in there etc.
Have I mentioned I love ribbons??

January

Well, January seems to be the month when we (as a family) get the sickest... I don't know if it is because the weather in Greece doesn't really get winter-y until December or so or because we are cooped up in the apartment because the boys are out of school or something but for the last few years it has held true.

This year it was better for some (George) and worse for some (ME!!). In December, the day after Christmas, I got this head cold. It started with a runny nose... within a week it had "traveled" to my chest and I developed bronchitis... It hasn't even been two weeks since I could say I am 100% and last night... runny nose, sore throat... again.
Then it hit me... it totally coincides with my ehm... womanly thing. Every time Aunt Flo visit, in the winter, I get sick! I really must dope me up with vitamins!!! Especially that time of the month.

It's freezing in Greece right now. I mean actual ice on the cars in the morning. This is very unusual for us. We were used to mild winters and blazing summers. It has been really dreadful here... and trust me, I know cold. I have lived in the UK (Scotland) for years. Scotland has nothing on Greece when it comes to freezing. It's a different kind of cold, the kind that pierces through all your layers, whereas in Scotland, it was cold but you could comfortably walk around in your jacket and mittens... here? Even mittens won't been the freezing part out. Ugh!
I hate winter... I hate summer.. I LOVE Spring and Fall.. what can I say? I am a mild weather girl hahaha :)

Hugs
Tina

Early Bird (new preemie resin)

Have you wondered what resin babies will be available this year?
You know by now I release between one and three resins each year, except this year I have been...tardy. Last year I only released on (Sweet as Sugar)... This year I started off with Natalie, my very first tiny resin baby girl (I still have 2 if anyone is interested)... I hadn't really planned on doing another one... then I sculpted this little fella for my sculpting book on preemies (coming in February, finally!!)...

He kinda grew on me ;) However the limbs he appears with in the book are not suitable for reproduction (too bent) so I gave him a new set...

This will be a tiny limited edition. Only 12 and 3 artist proofs. If you are interested, please send me an e-mail. I expect to have your baby done by the end of March (I will work with first come first served).

Details at a glance:
Name: Ealy Bird
Length: 15-16"
Limbs: Full arms and legs
Cloth body
Limited Edition in Resin
Hospital grade preemie replica model of baby born at 30 weeks gestation.
This is an accurate and realistic reproduction.
Body plate (** possibly ** I broke my first one, I need to make another one!)

Your customization options: Hair color, skin color, gender, name (note: if you want actual mohair, it must be glued. My glue is fairly non-shiny but there is a slight shine. You other option is painted hair, I am pretty good at that ;))

Delivery date: End of March
Price: $1200 plus shipping (about $30 - $40 maybe less)
Deposit: $300 (non-refundable) the balance is due when you approve of pics

(please note there has been a teensy change in his right hand, the fingers were originally more spread out, but they accidentally ended up touching during baking. I have now corrected this. Both hands are open. The limbs are full to the shoulder and hip. He wears preemie sized clothing. The body will be under-stuffed with pellets only for that super cuddly feeling.)

Here are pics of my little angel :)

Little Amelia

Little Amelia is a gorgeous little girl with Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome. She needs a kidney transplant in order to survive. Even though a family member will donate theirs, the doctors say no to the transplant because Amelia also suffered brain damage and is deemed "Mentally Retarded". In their eyes, Amelia should be left to die :(

My jaw literally dropped. SERIOUSLY?? What happened to "first and foremst do no harm"??
Why are they playing GOD???
It kind of brought me back to when I was pregnant and my doctor said to me "we should do this test, we don't want any mongoloids now, do we?"
(he meant a baby with DS). REALLY?? Because I would NOT terminate if my baby had Down Syndrome. I would only terminate if it was something really serious, fatal that would cause the baby great agony in his short life and only if it was caught super early. That's just me I guess... life, any life is valuable ... It's a CHILD for Christ's sake, a living, breathing child... a child who loves, feels, cries, laughs, understands... ok she might not ever be a rocket scientist... SO WHAT??
Who are you to decide her life is not worth living???

Please sign the petition for little Amelia:
http://www.change.org/petitions/executive-vice-president-and-chief-development-officer-allow-the-kidney-transplant-amelia-rivera-needs-to-survive#

And please post on CHOP's Facebook page to let them know how you feel:
https://www.facebook.com/ChildrensHospitalofPhiladelphia

And you can read her mother's account of the events here:
http://www.wolfhirschhorn.org/2012/01/amelia/brick-walls/

Thank you for reading!

Taken by surprise...

I was (am) that weird kid that loved nothing more than to snuggle up with a good book and a packet of heliotrope seeds for hours at a time.
I LOVE books, love them more than anything else. I love to read, read, read... There is always a book in my backpack and in my tablet. When I eat, I usually read (when not with the kids of course).
It is not often that I am surprised by books... but I did fall victim to a cheesy movie that did ruin a good book... Twilight...

When the movie came out, I had no idea what it was about. I had not even heard of the books (no surprise there as I am in Greece) and I was really over the whole vampire thing by more than a decade. I did like "Interview with a  Vampire" back in the day but the books by Anne Rice? Total disappointment. I did read all of them though.

So, since I was no longer 17, I was dragged by my friend who is internally 17 and still stuck in the '80's (and I LOVE her for it :)) to go see Twilight.
I left the cinema with a "meh... I am not 17...I didn't get it" where all around me those who were 17 and had no kids (and no boyfriends or husbands) melted in a pool of butter over Pattinson... (NOT my type, I am more of a Gerard Buttler and Ewan McGregor kind of gal... ok fine... Chris Pine too... sheesh!)

However... at some point the movie was on TV and I watched it again and it kind of grew on me... I yawned through the next two but kinda liked the 3rd one and was disappointed I had to wait a whole year for the conclusion.
I then decided to get the books full intenting to just read the last one first so I would know how this all ends...

I do read slower than I used to (I read Rama by A.C. Clarke in one afternoon!!) mainly because of lack of time. I squeeze reading to a half hour before I go to bed (sometimes it is only 15 minutes since I can't keep my eyes open long enough or past 11pm at best) so here I am a month later and I am reading the first book.

What a huge disservice the movie did to Stephenie's writing!! I LOVE how she writes. It's not "for 17 year olds" at all!!! She uses BIG WORDS for adult people!! She uses all 5 senses to write (like a good writer should). You can actually tell she's been to school!!! ;)
I am mesmerized by her writing!! I love it!! No way I am skipping to the last book already!! I have.got.to.read.all.of.them!!!! And you know what?

I met my husband when I was 15... I fell in love with within 2 minutes of meeting him and I knew he was the man of my life. Yes, he has many flaws (so do I!) but I've been around the block a couple of times and here I am, 10 years married to him, mother to his children, went through super rough marital problems that we worked through and though of course I will always nag and he will still hurt me, or yell at me or mistreat me (and I know I might too)... I still get a hearthrob every time I see him.
When the world melts away, when work is being kind to him, when there are no triggers (he can't manage his stress and this is the problem), he IS the sweetest man on earth.
So by reading the book, I could totally get back to the time I was 17 and in love (mainly because I still am in love - is that weird? Being in love with a man for 19 years?)..

Stephenie Meyer... as an artist who trusted others to reproduce her work I feel ya. I know how when other people take over, some times (not all of the times!!), your work does not come out as you'd like or as it should, so I now know the movie(s) was the result not of bad, cheesy writing but of bad, cheesy directing and producing.

Never done this before... huh...

Something really weird happened to me the other day...
I was not feeling so good, I was under a lot of stress... I did NOT have a good birthday the day before and I was very low. I didn't feel like celebrating, life had thrown a couple of wrenches in my plans' gogs...

Hubby was working ... on a bank holiday. Because this is how it is now in Greece... they can make you do whatever they want... it's their way or the unemployment highway. Thankfully, the boys were at their grandma's and it's a very RARE treat she agrees to watch them for a bit... at one point she had even asked me for money in order to spend a few hrs with her grandkids.. but let's not go there now. She had them for a few hours and I was thankful.

I sat down after cleaning the house to watch a little TV and as it often happens, my hands wandered to my clay. I wanted to sculpt a baby that was something in between realistically cute and dolly-looking. Something like my BJDs, a little stylized. I wanted something I could reproduce in resin, put in a nice box, print a certificate for but also make it fun for collectors to play with and dress and knit for and make furniture for...

I did the body first... a little girl. Then I did two chubby legs...and two chubby arms...
No problems there. I am a pro when it comes to this. With absolutely no desire to toot my own horn I can tell you that I can do miniature arms and legs in my sleep by now... remember, I have been doing this miniature clay thing since I was 7 years old... that was 27 YEARS ago ;)

The head... ah the head. Now THAT'S trouble for me. Something between realistic and dolly cute... Round cheeks, ok got that... rolled my clay into a ball, then into a head shape. The body and limbs were already baked so I added my head/ball onto the neck, made adjustments to the size.
Fun to play with  = awake... eyes... hmmm, no eyes down here, they are all at the studio. I only had my "emergency sculpting bag" and a few scraps of clay with me.
Ok, I will try the clay eye thing...
Cute? Hmmm, button nose then... and a friendly expression... And then... I have NO idea how it happened but somehow, without much trouble at all, I had this baby looking up at me. Smiling, open eyes, round cheeks and button nose... with chubby limbs that were very realistic and detailed... and Mollie was born.

Something that hasn't happened to me before.. .with little trouble and no pause, I sculpted something that I consider difficult for me. An awake cute baby and with clay eyes too.
Huge plus... all my Ellery Kish clothes fit her!!
I wonder if this takes me a tiny half-step closer to becoming like my idol, Martha Armstrong-Hand... no, not really, but could I dare to think that maybe, just maybe, when she was my age, and she still had a long way to go, she too thought like me?
Oh how I wish I were as good as her... or if I could maybe, become as good with lots of practice and time?
I never thought I would have an "aha" moment with awake, clay eyed babies but apparently I did... huh... who would have thought?

Baby Natalie

I had a nice surprise today!! My sweet friend sent me a picture of my Natalie in resin already. geez, they are FAST :)
I want to share it with you (the color matches my clay, I know it might not look like it in this pic though). I can't wait to get her and start working on them. If you are interested drop me a note as my first batch is almost sold out :)

She would probably even be ok for an older little girl. I made the hands as fists on purpose so no tiny fingers get caught on clothes, same with the toes. Resin is harder than clay so a gentle touch little girl could have heaps of fun with a Natalie... (I would say a girl over 8 that is lol).

Can't wait to get my order delivered!! Man, that postman must think I have a serious crush on him... I practially squeal when I see him (not that is bad looking at all ;) wink wink)

New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year blogosphere! What's your resolution for 2012?
I only have one...
Get pregnant and complete our family with a 3rd child...
Simple right? And for a great part of the population on this Earth, it is... However here is the small print for yours truly:

Get Pregnant/Have a baby = Lose the weight from the previous fertility drug/IVF cycles --> find a new RE --> find the funds to support said new RE --> more sculpting, more dolls, possibly more kits etc --> start the whole process all over again --> try not re-gain weight --> fingers crossed it works --> I am not allowed to carry twins again due to the damage to my pelvis from last time --> keep said pregnancy healthy while managing the current kids/house/full time job/hubby/dog/cat etc --> do not deliver prematurely and do not go into bedrest like last time (4 months!) --> deliver healthy baby and live happily ever after.

Yeah... so... this is going to take more than a year to achieve :(

So instead here are my New Year's resolutions:

Laugh Every Day
Eat more Chocolate
See more movies
Cry less
Hug the boys more
Yell at them less
Take more care of ME :)

So what are yours then?

Coming in 2012

(click the above image to enlarge)
More details:
Limited Edition resin baby, 5" long
Resin Head, Arms and Legs
Your choice of skin color (light A/A, Caucasian), hair color (painted) and gender/name.
Full arms, 3/4 legs, cloth body
Full range of accessories including, pacifiers, diapers, toys, clothes, furniture etc.
Comes in beautiful gift box. Each baby will be numbered.
Absolutely perfectly sculpted hands and feet to create an ultra-realistic newborn baby.
Long list of talented ladies who you can buy items from (car seat, crib, clothes, toys etc)
Fits into Ellery Kish clothes (excluding one piece items as her body is slight longer than her's but two piece outfits fit her well including booties etc).

Comes in two editions: the Special edition will include your customized baby plus baby accessories (pacifier, bottle, toy, blanket), extra outfit and a hand made crib or bassinet.

The Do It Yourself edition will include your customized baby dressed in one outfit.

Watch this space, pre-ordering will start soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR :) :)

Merry Christmas

A few years ago, I was about 10 or so, the craze around here were the Thundercats. Being that these were the times, because it was violent and because there was fighting and because there was a Mummy and Monsters, it was deemed an "adult cartoon" and it aired late at night... at 10pm.
We fought an uphill battle with mom about seeing it, which we won every time of course as mom was never the steel will person.
And I didn't grow up to become a serial killer after watching it ;)

I was a pretty easy going child, albeit at the time, a little spoiled. Nothing bad had happened to my life, I was born in a family that had money, I was sent to a private school, I had horse-riding lessons and did ballet and took piano lessons and I could speak French.
Little did I know that all this would change just two shorts years later...

Back to the story... we were obsessed with Thundercats, my brothers and I... So my dad got us three figures... I of course was Cheetara, Andrew was Panthro and Steven was Tygra... but even though my dad got Panthro and Tygra, they were all out of Cheetara and he got me (gasp) Mumm-Ra...
Oh the disappointment, even though this was an unexpected gift... It wasn't my birthday or anything, it wasn't even Christmas... I remember I was SO mad and I cried...
My Dad tried to reason with me, but I was a total brat and stomped my feet ... and then Dad said, and I will never forget this, "If you don't like a present, the polite thing to do is say thank you and smile... then you can throw it in the trash if you want, but you must say thank you and smile"... So Tina-Brat, thanked her dad, smiled and then walked over to the garbage can and threw the toy, box and all, inside.

Fast forward to today and I am a different person. At age twelve my mom kicked my dad out for no reason (to this day she has admitted she did it out of spite), then lost her mind and stopped even trying to be a mom... and I lost everything. My private school, my horses, my piano lessons. I was lucky if someone else had cooked lunch and I didn't have to do it myself... That Christmas we went carolling and with the money I earned I got my brothers and I small presents because mom had made it clear there would be none for us... I got them one G.I. Joe each and I got a pencil case with a rainbow and a sheep on it (very cute). Don't feel bad though. I had wonderful grandparents and that mega-kick in the rear made me appreciate the things that truly matter in life. I don't know what kind of person I would have grown into had I stayed pampered all my life. I see all this as positive...

Today I would have traded ALL the toys I EVER got in my entire life for just ONE more Christmas with my dad... just one more hour with my dad even.

So if you didn't get that present you wanted, it's ok. These things are not important... It's the people in your lives that are important and the memories you create with them that will last you a life time. I guarantee you that iPad won't last you a year... but your memories will outlast it and every present you will ever get in your life. So make them count...

Merry Christmas to all of you. I hoped you had a wonderful time...

(PS. My dad did get me Cheetara... he should have gotten me a knock on the head though... ;))

Big hands...

Big hands, hold a tiny baby gently....

And even though on the outside he is as hard as a stone, on the inside I know he is terrified out of his
mind, that he is going to break it!!!! ;) :)

What I want for Christmas...

Here is my list of what I would like for Christmas:

1. Another 24hrs with my dad... I will settle for 10 more minutes though.

2. My marriage to work out.

3. A sprinkle of good luck and things to go MY way for a change.

Ok so since these are a little far-off here is a list of tanglible things:

1. I would like for my energy to pick up, my nerves to settle so that I can provide a wonderful Christmas for my boys!

2. I would like to be able to get away with hubby, sans kids, for a couple of days so we can relax and look into the future because this wait and see, is killing me!

3. I would like for hubby to surprise me just once and get me flowers and candy and maybe a night out HE orcherstrated on my birthday (4th January)

4. I would love it if there was ONE present for ME under the tree this year. I always get presents for everyone including the boys' teachers each year but only my best friend gets me something. I get no presents for my birthday either :( and it's ok. I am a big girl... but once in a while, even if it is only a card or a candy bar with a bow, I would love to get something...

Because of all those reasons, family, do not be surprised if I use the money I saved up to buy ME a new camera this Christmas... thank you for understanding ;) ;)
I promise to get all of you socks this year... after all, you've earned it (and I am not talking about my kids obviously lol)

Oh and just in case I do find the energy to host a dinner this year too, please do not gobble down the food and disappear like you did last year. It was very offensive and as it turned out it WAS my dad's last Christmas on this Earth. And you may have not appreciated all my hard work, after all how could you, you ate so fast I have doubts if you even tasted the food, but it was a wonderful day for my dad and I will forever be grateful that despite your strong opposition, your negative opinions and the nasty things you said to me (dear hubby who shall remain nameless), I AM GLAD I PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND DID IT!!!! so there...

Yeah, I am pissed and moody today.. tomorrow is my dad's 3rd month of his passing... I miss you daddy!