Thursday, October 07, 2010


Today was the day we received the final diagnosis for John...
He is Autistic. I wasn't prepared for this. There was a PPD-Nos diagnosis in his chart which was dropped back in March due to improvement by the neurologist but the child psychiatrists after a detailed evaluation are certain he is Autistic...

On the mild side, yes, they talked of Asperger's Syndrome and Fragile X but this is a table turned for us as we need to head in a different direction.

So many bad things have happened to us in September that today I kept thinking "is this when I die?".. I mean how much more can I take psychologically? I feel like an emotional wreck...
I look at him today and think "Autistic" and everything has changed, yet nothing really has.. he is still the boy he was yesterday, right?

I had hoped his issues were of the sensory integration type, I wasn't expecting this diagnosis.. High functioning Autism... sigh...

I SO need a pick me up right about now... please God...something, anything...


Jeanette said...

You said it yourself, he is still the boy he was yesterday, you don't love him any less.

A diagnosis is a GOOD thing! Now they know where to start to get him the services he needs to learn how to have a good life. It's a step in the right direction!

You are doing great, you are strong enough to do this, even when you feel you aren't.

jenny said...

I know that this comment will be screened, so I am just going to write it as if I am sending you an email.

You don't know me, but I am a huge fan of your work.

I can't tell you how many of my friends children have the 'high functioning autism' diagnosis.

I'm 36. My husband is 27, we haven't started a family yet, but if I was told my child had 'high functioning anything' I would breath a huge sigh of relief.

All of us are unique. We all develop at different paces, and interpret our world in our own special way.

I read your post and had to reach out because you sound heartbroken and sad. I don't see why. You will love your child just the same, try to look at him the same as you always did. As an adult with 'high functioning' (insert your mental illness of choice here), I think that the greatest gift we can give our 'special' children is the gift of accepting them as healthy, creative, and unique in their own right.

Try not to let him live as his diagnosis, but accept that might be a part of who he is, he is independent of it, and don't let that define all.

Take comfort that your child has no limitations in life, outside of what he makes for himself.

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