Monday, August 26, 2013

Two years..

Today marks two years since my dad passed away. It is a very difficult and emotional day for me.

Daddy, I miss you... I wish you were here. I wish I had the guts to go through with the divorce while you were still alive. I did this all on my own and it is HARD daddy. So very hard. Some days I don't know where our next meal is coming from... but I am working on it dad, one day at a time. I can feel you helping me even from Heaven, clearing my mind when I have dark thoughts, when I had a difficult day.

I miss you SO much but I know you are smiling down at us from up there.
I know you are proud of me for going through this, I know you saw and heard things happening even if I was trying to sweep it under the rug and I know you guided me when I needed you.
I just wish I could talk to you one more time, for five minutes even... The boys miss you too.

I love you daddy... Rest in peace.

About your concerns

My dear friends,
I am aware that a lot has been said/speculated lately about me.

I am here to assure you I have NOT taken anyone's money and not sent out their product. EVER!!!
Have things been delayed? Yes and I can't thank you enough for your understanding and patience. But I have NEVER taken anyone's money without getting them what they paid for.

Cinthya, I received your e-mail this morning. This is the first e-mail I get from you and I assure you I will e-mail you back and we will resolve this. To the best of my memory this was a layaway and he is not fully paid, you said some big expenses and couldn't finish paying for him. As I said, I apologize if my memory fails me, in any case you are not losing money, please do not worry, I am more than happy to resolve this with you.

I am going through one of the toughest periods of my life. I am now a single mom of two with the dolls being my only income, with no family and no support. I am struggling but fighting through this. I sincerely apologize if I caused aggravation or worry, but I AM working things out for all.

I thank you kindly for your continued support and understanding,


Freyas have now been shipped!!

Hey girls,
Just a quick note to let you know I have finished shipping your Freyas, I have everybody's tracking number. I will sit down and send them to you tomorrow (Monday).
Thank you kindly for your patience!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Last Freya in stock!

My last Freya kit, ready to ship!! 50 Euros shipped!

Almost done with packing and shipping Freyas :) Yay!!


Monday, August 19, 2013

It was my nameday, here is a gift for you!!

On the 15th August, it was my name day. I didn't feel too good on that day because 2 years ago, on the 15th I took my dad to the hospital only to die 11 days later :(
I wanted to give you girls a gift but I felt so "blah" I didn't have the strength lol.

But I am feeling better today so here is my name day gift to you:
My Repair Guide from 50 Euro to 35 Euro. Discount valid for a few days only!!

Thank you!!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Oreo is three weeks old!!

Isn't he handsome?

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Freya super low price *IN STOCK*


I have 15 Freya kits in stock, no waiting, ready to ship this coming week made in German vinyl, makes a newborn sized baby, full arms and legs!
50 Euros shipped only! Click here to buy yours!!

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

I am a mom (again!)

No, no, I am not pregnant or adopting... But I did bring a new baby home.
For years I had worked for ASPCA but my career came to a halt because George was not really a pet person.

So when my friend mailed me begging for help for 3 tiny kittens, only hours old, I thought about it long and hard. Unfortunately, by the time we said yes, we can commit, the two girls had passed on :(
But we saved this little face... his name? Oreo!!
He is going to be 3 weeks old on Saturday. When he is hungry he MAKES IT KNOWN!!!
He already purrs :) The boys are SO happy and can't wait until he is older and they get to play with him!!!
Welcome to the family Oreo!!

Monday, August 05, 2013

Divorce really hurts!

I didn't want to get divorced. I know a lot of young people go into a marriage thinking "if it doesn't work out, I will just get a divorce". Divorce has become so easy for my generation, the stigma eliminated it is almost "cliché" these days.
However I did not want to get divorced. I never thought I would say "my ex-husband"... then again I never thought I would have twins, or that I would have preemies, or that they would have special needs or that I would say "my son is autistic" or that I would bury my dad so young... and it goes on and on.

I am the kind of person that tries to find a silver lining to everything. I believe in "everything happens for a reason" and "what did I just learn from this?". Truth is, sometimes things just happen because life isn't fair or pretty or easy... sometimes sh!tty things happen to awesome people for NO reason at all and that hurts.

I realize that I worked very hard for my marriage. There isn't anything I could have done more or differently because I gave 110% and stayed...and stayed and stayed until it was clear that I would die, maybe not physically (although nobody could guarantee that as things were becoming physically dangerous too) but certainly psychologically. Not only that, but I owed it to my children! They deserve happiness, they deserve freedom they deserve to breathe!! They deserve to NOT be afraid!

I am sad this happened, I am angry. I see now that he never loved me.. at least not in the conventional sense a normal person perceives love. The actions, the yearning, were just not there. I was "his", an object, I served a purpose and that hurts because I still love him to this day.
It is ok to admit it. I love him still... but not him ...I love someone who doesn't exist. The loving images that come to mind is of person that is just not there. He was there more than a decade ago but no more so in essence I am loving a person dead/long gone. I am mourning the death of something or someone. The man who picks up the boys every once in a while, I don't recognize. The cold eyes, the demeanor, who is that man?

Are things easy now? Am I happy?
Yes and no. Some things are easier. Most days I breathe easier. Amazingly I do not miss him! He was so absent from our daily routine that his absence is not felt at all!!
I find happiness in the small moments. When I get a hug or a kiss from the boys. When I raise my hand to caress them and they don't put up their hands thinking they will get hit.
There is happiness here... there is also a lot of worrying. Will I pay my rent this month? Will I have enough money to take them out for an outing? Financially things are hard but not because he was contributing. I need to get back to regular working on my dolls. It has almost been two months since I left and for that first month I found it hard to get out of bed. Things did not go as planned, I did not have the support I thought I would... but month two is better. Not perfect, but better.

Immediately after the court my lawyer kept telling me "You are free, do you realize that?". I felt anything but... I was SO worried about how I was going to pull this off, for a moment I wanted to run back, not to him, but to the familiar routine, the familiar situation.
It was hard not to. I stuck it out. My boys lashed out, I got hit, they told me terrible things. "I was better off with dad" when I disciplined them was heard often in that first month.
I knew it was only a reaction, I knew they didn't mean it, like an animal that is hurting and bites any hand, even a helping one... but it still hurt to hear it.

We are better now. We have found a new rhythm, a new routine. We are a team... we were always a team.

I did not want to get divorced and in a sense I do not feel I got divorced. I feel as though the person I married died because the man I divorced, had nothing to do with the man I feel in love with.
But here I am now... 35, mom of two, single parent. I want to believe in better days, in days when there will be more happy moments than bad ones... or even when I am able to deal with the bad moments a lot better and look at the bigger picture. All I pray for now is for my boys to grow up into good, honest men.

Friday, August 02, 2013

Please don't mail me on Facebook

Hi girls,
I still haven't sorted out my FB login so please don't mail me on FB. I can't read it!!
I will be happy to answer you if you e-mail me directly to

Every time I post on my blog it automatically posts on FB, I assure you I am not ignoring anyone. Even though it seems like I am posting, in fact I am not at least not directly.

Thank you kindly!

Baby Ethan

Isn't he the cutest?? He is 13" long. I wonder if there is a mommy out there for him?
Full arms, 3/4 legs, cuddly body, super amazing limbs!

I would like 320 Euros for him, this includes shipping!!
Thank you!!

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