Friday, June 21, 2013

Update on our court case

Yesterday we had our court date for the temporary custody of the boys. My lawyer and I were asking for alimony for the boys only (who have special needs as you know). We have two cars, both of which I paid but the better car is under his name. The small, old, second hand car I bought him a year and a half ago, he wrecked, but it is under my name. So he gets to keep the decent car and I get the wrecked car :(

He also claimed he cannot pay for his sons and he can give 200 Euros a month. So things will be tough for a bit.
He didn't ask about his sons, yesterday or today. In fact the ONLY thing he cared about was paying as little as possible (100 Euros per kid per month) and get the better car back.
I am extremely upset. Not for the car but because deep down I thought he loved them and cared and wanted to give them the best life possible.
It is not so...

So here I am, I will not excuse him anymore. George hurt us, financially, physically, mentally. He beat his sons, he threw things at me, he told me time and time again everything was my fault, I was worthless. For 12 years I walked on eggshells around him. I shouldn't upset him, I shouldn't make him yell.. but the explosion always came .. it is called abuse. The boys and I were abused.

I know I got the better part of the deal. I got my sons... but I cannot, not worry about the future. How will I make ends meet? I know somehow I will make it through. I will sculpt more, the twins will come out soon, I will sculpt more vinyls in the future... somehow I know things will work out.
But for now... right now, this moment... I am worried. I have 80 Euros in my account but I know I will manage, I have faith (and lots of eggs and flour in the house ;))

I am disappointed... I am disappointed because all these years he kept telling us that he is doing all of this for me, for us... Yet we never saw a penny. I got a list of things he wanted me to buy very often and if I didn't have money, we didn't do anything (i.e. take us to the movies). Honestly, I do not know why I am surprised. He was a horrible father and husband. BUT, the big picture is, I might drive a shitty car and lose the good one I paid for... loose all the nice stuff we had at home (since he kept it all)... but *I* got the most important thing... THE BOYS!!!
One day, when is old and gray and alone he will understand.

Oh and I am NOT going to excuse him anymore. The next time the boys ask why we can't go to a movie or buy an extra item, I will flat out tell them "because your dad doesn't give us money". Also I will never say to them again "don't mind him, he is just mad because of work, he loves you". He does NOT love them or want them and I will make sure they know exactly who he is...

Your prayers are appreciated. Thank you for your kind messages :) WE WILL THRIVE... we just need to find our balance again... I will NOT give up!!


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