Back with guns ablazing!!

It's been a hectic last few days but let me catch you up:
I am feeling better except this morning some of my symptoms returned (a new virus maybe?!) but I am doing ok, holding my own, nothing serious :)

The boys are doing good, except John had a mysterious cough this morning. We were told to start patching his eye for 4 months, 6 hrs a day on Monday. I feel defeated tired. I know, I know, things could have been SO much more worse.. he could have DIED or be a vegetable and a million other things. Please don't shake your head thinking I am ungrateful. Believe me, I am not stupid, I KNOW what a good thing I have and EVERYDAY I thank God for my sons, special needs included!!:)
It's just that for ONCE I would like to go to a doctor and find my son NORMAL... DEVELOPING.. not need EXTRA intervention. I've been on this for FOUR years. More than four if you count the pregnancy and the bad turn it took...
Four years of worrying, four years of running around, waiting in doctor's waiting rooms, explaining to your child why he is different, holding him down for tests, doing special therapy, hospital stays, more tests, discouraging news, staying up at nights wondering, feeling sick to your stomach, trying to balance your checkbook because all of the above cost money, trying to save your marriage which took a heavy hit, trying to balance your other little boy so he won't feel left out, dealing with the comments from the people and family, not receiving ANY support... I've been locked inside these four walls for more than 4 years, day in day out... I've got ONE friend locally. O N E... all my other friends are online...
I haven't slept a full night in four years if you exclude the time I spent doing shows. Sigh.. you see, I am TIRED... that's all. I don't know why Monday's doctor's visit hit me so hard but it did... I want to throw in the towel and quit... but then I look at his face and I can't..
"If you want the Rainbow you must put up with the rain"... in our case the Rainbow would be John graduating, falling in love, marrying, having kids, leading a normal life, a regular Joe if you'd like... but this... this right now, is my rain... and I am drenched and I feel like there is no raincoat big enough for all my sorrow... except John himself. He is so much stronger than I am and I thank God daily for the priviledge of making me their mother...

Ahem... sob story over... doll time :)
So I've been working again for the last two days and I am hopeful people will start receiving photos tonight...
So stay tuned...