Thursday, October 06, 2011

His voice...

This morning I took the boys to school and off I went to get my teeth cleaned. I have a love of portable MP3 players, even though I have never owned an expensive one (good thing too because I am on my 4th in 2 years!!). As I was listening to Bon Jovi, all of a sudden, I heard my dad's voice!!! I had just parked the car (another good thing because I am pretty sure I would have had an accident had I been driving, such was my shock at the moment!), and I was about to unplug the player from my car's stereo system... I instantly knew where the recording had come from... we have another small player full of bedtime stories we plug to the boys' stereo in their room. The boys had a stereo in their room since they were brought home from the hospital. I always played music for them and as they grew older, I started playing recorded bedtime stories... My dad had babysat a few times for us, and even though most times we had managed to get the boys to sleep, a couple of times I guess, they were wide awake... So my dad must have gone in to re-start their MP3 player because he hit the "record" button and there it was: a 17 second sound clip with my dad's voice!!! Tears filled my eyes... I thought I had forgotten his voice yet I still have it! I will make copies of the sound file so I never lose it... It is funny how I try to hold on to little things about my dad... normal I guess but also weird... These days, after having gone through several of the stages of gried, I guess I am in denial now... because I keep thinking I will see dad any day now...and I keep thinking how much I have missed him and how much I have to tell him, and I will make his favorite dessert... and for a few moments I go on like this until I remember, that I will never see my dad again :( People tell me I look so much better... I stopped wearing all black a couple of days ago too. But it's not that I am "over it" ... I have burried myself to work and have managed to keep SO busy, I don't even have time to do the dishes this morning...but give me a moment of relaxation and a little room to breathe and my dad is ALL I can think about... sigh.


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