Tuesday, February 22, 2011


There are days I am content with my little family and others I desperately want another child... not just any child though, a girl named Ellie after my grandmother.
You see, I see everything as temporary, like my marriage situation for instance or the financial aspect, whereas a child is forever... I am like a single mom anyway in every aspect of daily life... EVERY aspect... so if *I* think I can manage, why not go for it right?

Then of course there is the issue of the extra weight... I gained 100lbs since I was 25 and we started trying... the injections, the pills, the worry, the 3 years of chemicals pumped into me... I gained.
I can't (and shouldn't) get PG in this weight... however I seem unable (and unwilling) to lose weight.

Sigh... a baby girl... Will I regret NOT having another baby say, 20 years from now? YES!! I am positive I will... I am sure in 20 years I will look back and think things weren't so bad maybe... and I could have had another one. So where does this leave me now?
I am not sure... all I know is, until I hold my baby girl in my arms and smell her sweet skin... my heart will continue longing and command my hands to make baby girls... from clay...


Morena Ciambra Dreamartdolls said...

Your babies bring much joy to so many. You are truly gifted. Thank you for sharing your wonderful creations.

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